It’s Friday! Hello everyone!

Sorry about missing last week. As I’ve mentioned before, my kid’s in Boston at college, which is great, but I miss them terribly. Soooo, my wife flew them in as a surprise on Thursday, for the weekend. Cleary, at that point I was done (the next 48 hours was binging shows, seeing movies, and playing video games)… and that’s the story of why no Friday update! Tada! Again, sorry ☹

But THIS Friday I AM here (missing my kid, but here).

It’s been a busy week here at Cryptozoic. We have been chugging along on the pre-press for ESW A3 and we have had our FIRST playtest of ESW A4!!! Insane! We have even seen a few digitally printed samples of the storage box (to be clear, this will have a bunch of amazing print process stuff, like foil and fluorescents to make it awesome… this is just the digital sample with NONE of that).

We ALSO have a Kickstarter coming up for Adventure Time Card Wars, a product we made a decade ago that I am still very proud of. You should click this link to be told when to check it out. Tons of new stuff in it and sneak peek at some of the 5e RPG stuff that’s coming next year.

the LINK!!!

Let’s show off some more cards!!

Today, I want to highlight a fun set, a little homage to someone I love. Here is a Champion Wizard, Familiar, and Spellbook from the base ESW A3 game.
First up, let’s see this Champion Wizard! Its Doctor Zeus on Mount Olympazzzazzus!!! Hahaha, look at that art… amazing! And yes, I am huge fan a of a certain artist / writer. But what about the rest of the cards!?!

And let’s take a little peak-a-boo at his Familiar… wow +3 Power (pretty standard) but look at that defensive power! A real cost matters card. Think about playing that Legendary a second time… tasty!

And finally, the Spellbook is swingy but awesome and feeds directly into your cost-matters Familiar.

All and all, an amazing set with amazing art! Is there anything RS can’t do?!? (The answer is “stop drinking.”)

I want to say again how much I appreciate your patience on the game. As I mentioned, it’s been about creating the most insane amount of art ever for a standalone game, and I think in the end you will be VERY happy.
Continuing our “lyrics to cringe by,” please enjoy “Epic Spell Whores.”

Interesting sidenote: This was the only song I DIDN’T write. This was from one of our very talented game designers. I think they want to remain nameless… for obvious reasons.

EPIC SPELL WHORES OF THE PLEASURE PALACE

So many wizards waste their powers, seeking strength, and wealth, and fame,
And to me that’s just a waste, I know those childish dreams are lame.
I’m not going on adventures. I’m not fighting in spell wars.
I’m leaving for the Pleasure Palace, to spend all day banging whores!

Beyond Sandy Crevice Canyon, over Bulging Beaver Creek,
Past the Throbbing Hardwood Forest, is the palace that I seek.
Though the path is fraught with danger, and the journey may be long,
All the effort will be worth it, when they’re servicing my dong.

CHORUS
So now I’ll grab my wand, and say ‘goodbye,’
Who knows when next I’ll see ya?
And if you hear me scream, know that I’m alright,
I’ve just caught Gorgonorrhea.

Now I’ve arrived here at the palace and I’m not sure what to do first,
So many nasty ho’s to choose from and I need to quench my thirst.
Perhaps some wax play with the Bimbo Twins, become a slave to Madame Fister?
Or cast a hex on Sally Sex, to make her look just like my sister?

With magic there’s no stopping me from satisfying every wish,
I could dabble with some goat play, or just become a satyr’s bitch.
The debauchery is endlesses, and these sluts all cry out, “please us!”
There’s just one thing to watch out for: Magically Transmitted Diseases.

CHORUS
So now I’ll grab my wand, and say ‘goodbye,’
Who knows when next I’ll see ya?
And if you hear me scream, know that I’m alright,
I’ve just caught Gorgonorrhea!

I advise bringing protection, and I’m not talking ‘bout a spell,
A case of Genital Harpies will burn your junk like you’re in hell.
Sure, I can deal with some Crotch Krakens. I just don’t want the Wand Rot.
I really should have bought some Trojans, but this trash bag ’s all I’ve got!
Hey, that’s good enough!
Now, one last time:

CHORUS
So now I’ll grab my wand, and say ‘goodbye,’
Who knows if I’ll ever see ya?
At the Pleasure Palace, I will live and die,
I just hope it’s not Gorgonorrhea!
Noooo… I Hope it’s not that Gorgonorrhea!

YAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! THAT FUCKING BURNS!
And a link to the song: HERE IT IS!

The gentleman who recorded the song actually speaks VERY little English. I supplied recordings of all the words spoken, and he used that as a guide, it took a bunch of tries to get it to where it is. Fun process, and he was very nice.
Well until next week, I love you very much and hope you have an awesome weekend.

-cory